Feeling Better Yet? Well, sort of thanks

So, it's nearly two weeks since my relatively small panic attack, triggered by my eyes.

I know now that I'm Health Anxious. In fact, I know I was born a worrier and always will be a worrier.

I also know I have chronic sinusitis which affects my general feeling of good health.

I know that every time I stand up I worry I'm going to pass out. I know that I feel the same sensations as everyone else when they stand up and that I'm not going to pass out.

I know I'm hyper-aware of how I'm feeling all the time.

I know sometimes that I know that I'm just hyper-aware of sensations and can ignore them - "turn off" the anxiety if you like.

I know that sometimes, particularly after a long period of being free from anxiety that I forget that I'm Health Anxious and suddenly these sensations become new to me and I have to "re-learn" how I feel when I'm normal.

So this week I'm feeling a bit better. It might take a month before I've forgotten completely. This week I've been mildly anxious about:

- My heart (again). I took my pulse about 40 times yesterday before I realised that actually my resting heart beat is about 72. Which is completely normal.
- My tiredness. I've been literally fighting sleep off at about 10.30pm every night. Is this normal? Do I have diabetes (again)? Probably not, I'm just stressed out and knackered at work. I'm also knackered mid-afternoon, which is probably due to my sinuses.
- My eyes and mouth, which are still both a bit dry and weird. But much better than they were.
- A bit of spaciness last weekend, which really knocked me back hard. Probably tired, or my sinuses.
- Biking to work. After all, I've got heart disease, diabetes and I don't want to tire myself out any more....

*Sigh*.

But then I have moments of clarity, when I realise that life really could be a lot, lot worse.

Off to the football tomorrow and will have a few drinks over the weekend to celebrate getting through week 2 of my 4 week recovery.