Terrible Night, Eyes, and a Coping Strategy

Last night was a terrible night. I had a huge panic attack, and a shocking night's sleep. I've been off work all week since the rash outbreak (which is almost gone now YAY!).

I was so anxious, and for such a pathetic reason. It was so pathetic I couldn't even tell my fiancee about it. I just had to pretend there was nothing wrong, even though there was. That freaked her out a bit, as she knew.

I broke a golden rule. I've been suffering from slightly sore eyes and a dry mouth the last two or three days, and whilst feeling a lot, lot better yesterday afternoon I Googled it. Google said I had Shoe-grins's Syndrome (this is deliberately the wrong spelling to stop anyone else from suffering like I did). Shoegrin's is incurable, but manageable. It affects some 2% of people around the world, and the core symptoms are dry mouth and dry eyes. 90% of sufferers are female (which I'm not), most have joint pains as well (which I don't), most are menopausal (which I'm not), and most have a histroy of weird gland swelling and general ill health (which I don't). The implausability of it is so strong it makes me feel ridiculous looking back on it. But I was convinced. I even made plans to split with my girl...after all, she wouldn't want to be with me if I was long-term sick with an autoimmune disease.

I was terrified of coming to work and not being able to cope. I love my job, my life and my girl and this seemed like the end. I swear, you can hurt me in any way, cut me however you like and I won't bleed, just don't touch my work, my life and my girl. That's all that matters to me. Without it, I'd be nothing.

Anyway, I'm at work and my eyes are a little sore but everything's working and I'm slowly calming down.

I have a new coping strategy. I hope this helps anyone else suffering from anxiety.

STEP ONE
- You're worried about a symptom. Work out exactly what the symptom is. And I mean EXACTLY. If something's hurting, jab it. Check for lumps. Feel free to panic whilst you do this.
Turn the computer off. DO NOT GOOGLE IT.

STEP TWO
- Do something else for thirty minutes. Does the symptom go away if you don't think about it?

STEP THREE
- Work out if this symptom could kill you in the next 24 hours. If it could, go to the Doctors.

STEP FOUR
- If it won't kill you, make a note of the date, and write the symptom down. Don't take anything for it. If the symptom hasn't gone away in 14 days, go and see the Doctor.

STEP FIVE
- Challenge yourself. Go for a run. Go for a long bike ride. Go to the shops. Do something active. If something is really wrong, you'll know about it soon enough.

Good luck.